Someone helped me out in a way I didn’t expect, and it totally threw me off yesterday. I didn’t quite know what to say–and still don’t. But, it helped me so much. I still feel guilty, but I can’t let that feeling win. I know that.

It’s peaceful here today. Finally everyone is at school. R is happy and jiggling in his chair and the dogs are sprawled happily in the sun. I slept 12 hours and feel somewhat recovered. Yesterday I was about ready to drive myself into a wall… and I think just about everyone knew it.

I’ve had a lot less time to focus on the shape of me lately, barely able to stuff enough food in to keep going. But still sometimes I think “ugh” and wonder if I could do it. Other people do it. Why not me? Then I hear someone and have to go fix whichever kid it is…

Well. My coffee is going cold again, and I can smell the baby from here…

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