little r

I have to take little R to see his mother today. I feel as though I have barely been able to get to know him myself and now I have to hand him over to a complete stranger (who has more right to him than I do). It creates all sorts of conflicting feelings inside. Of course I adore him and want to protect him… but he is not my child. He has seen her once, and I have only had him two days… but of course already I am torn about this. He sleeps quietly and unknowingly in his swing oblivious to all the chaos in his life. Sometimes, if I think too much, it breaks my heart. So I try not to think about it… focusing instead on how I made it without the kind of support he has–and so anything will be possible for our little baby R.

It was snowing here a little today–and is absolutely freezing. I am going to try jumping in the shower as I have to leave in about an hour to drive R over to his mommy meet. I think I’ll nap in the car while he’s there, heh! Or maybe I’ll work on stuff myself. I don’t know. I’d go to McDonalds but I can’t eat anything from there with this silly Celiacs.

Well, I better go shovel in some food and shower in two minutes or he’ll wake up before you know it!!