Learning about oneself isn’t easy. Painful flaws gape mockingly… flaws chipped into us by those who professed caring and love.  Attachment weighs heavily. It isn’t so much things which garner my attention these days, so much as people. I try to step back, try to take a breath and ease myself out of that grasping feeling of need, yet it is not easy. I am torn between external validation and letting go entirely. Perhaps India will do me good. A chance to reorganize my priorities…. reorder my life.

To that end I started a fast today. Today was easing in to it, so I allowed some vegetables and a little white rice. I also have the flu, so I don’t want to make myself sicker. I just need to simplify, cleanse, let go. I’ve become so ensnared in samsara that I can’t see the sun shining crsiply through the trees–instead the light hurts my eyes and I retreat inside.

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